(REJECTED) Holiday Movie Taglines: A gift of wit, snark, humor and idiocy for my readers

HOLIDAY MOVIES 2011
TAGLINE Kill-Sheet

    (Copy that didn’t quite express the desired “positioning”)

    TOWER HEIST

    Moving it was hard–
    Hiding it will be impossible!

    Steal this Skyscraper!

    You can’t just steal
    One floor.

    A VERY HAROLD AND KUMAR 3D CHRISTMAS

    They’re not even Christian!

    Godless Liberal Media: 1
    Christians: 0

    A New Front
    In the War on Christmas

    J. EDGAR

    Investigate this!

    He Put the Fierce
    In FBI

    Blame the Mother

    Feel the leather
    Of his lash!

    Investigate
    This Closet Case

    “The best lack all conviction
    While the worst
    Are filled with a passionate intensity”

    Based on a true rumor

    IMMORTALS

    A Sword
    And Sandals
    Sausage Fest

    The names are the same
    The myths have been changed.

    Based on myth
    & Market Research

    MELANCHOLIA

    Let your smile
    Be an umbrella!

    Ok,
    You may panic now!

    Nothing seems to matter
    Because nothing
    Any longer
    Does.

    Embrace
    Your inner
    Annihilation

    It’s the end of the world
    As we know it

    Henny Penny
    Was Right

    JACK AND JILL

    Get in touch
    With your feminine half.

    She’s not heavy
    She’s my sister.

    Mister
    Sister

    Adam Sandler’s latest film
    Is a drag.

    THE DESCENDENTS

    You’ll wish they were different–
    They’ll wish you were dead.


    HAPPY FEET 2 IN 3D

    This time
    They’ve really stepped in it!

    Fat birds
    Don’t fly

    TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN

    You May Bite the Bride

    Cold sheets
    Hot romance

    Abstinence Ends
    November 16

    ARTHUR CHRISTMAS

    Santa’s Spawn

    Holidays
    Bring out the worst
    In every family

    Gotta Get the Gifts Out

    A DANGEROUS METHOD

    Two’s company
    Three’s a case study

    Seduction
    Is part
    Of the process

    Analysts are from Mars
    Patients are from Venus

    Horizontal Therapy

    THE MUPPETS

    Out of mothballs
    And into the streets.

    Occupy Hollywood!!!

    HUGO

    A tale so improbable
    It had to be true

    A story about giving up
    And winding down

    RAMPART

    Meet the New LAPD
    (Same as the Old LAPD)

    Meet the Prince of the Precinct

    THE SKIN I LIVE IN

    Loofah this.

    It’s just a rash

    It’s your biggest organ!

    CORIOLANUS

    They said “anus”
    Heh, heh, heh.

    Son
    Of the original
    Tiger Mom

    WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN

    Parents
    We have a problem

    NEW YEAR’S EVE

    Get ready
    To fart confetti

    Drink
    Dance
    Shag
    Splurge
    Purge

    Go late

    Drink early.
    Drink often

    Kiss my
    Mistletoe

    You’ve been
    Disappointed
    Before

    “Bite the Big Apple”

    Why wait
    For Midsummer

    As Fresh
    As 42nd Street

    THE SITTER

    No babies


    YOUNG ADULT

    It’s not your mother’s
    Judy Bloom

    Old Tween

    IRON LADY

    Spikes Facing Out.

    There is no alternative!

    Battleship
    Or battle axe?

    I Heart
    Iron Man.

    SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

    In Edwardian times
    They were called
    “Confirmed bachelors”

    Mutual
    Ratiocination

    Before J. Edgar & Clyde
    There was….
    Holmes and Watson

    MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: GHOST PROTOCOL

    Not just improbable
    But really, really unlikely

    One of these sequels
    It really will be.

    ALBERT NOBBS

    Hide your candy

    Wrap it
    Belt it
    Work it.

    Passing
    Is Being

    She convinced
    Herself first.

    Think of her
    As an ugly
    Robin Williams


    THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN: SECRET OF THE UNICORN*

    The Newest Release
    From Farmville Studios

    Coming soon
    From Zoophile Studios

    This animal act
    Is not for the circus.


    * IMDB Listing Original Title


    THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

    She wanted
    A sea monkey

    It’s Henna

    They don’t call it a tramp stamp
    For nothing

    WE BOUGHT A ZOO

    The Latest release
    From Farmville Studios

    Define
    Unnatural
    Act?

    For the animal lover
    In all of us.

    This time
    We’ve really stepped in it.


    EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE

    COMINGGGGGGGGG!
    To a Theater
    Near You

    Irony Free Zone

    Based on
    A National Trauma

    Creative Commons License
    movietrailers101 by Fred Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

About Frederick Greene

Entertainment Copywriter & Visiting Assistant Professor, UCLA Dept. of Theater, Film & Television. I teach a graduate seminar in new movie marketing, which focuses on the history, contemporary practice and likely future of a/v advertising for motion picture entertainment.
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